


In Which Iwaizumi and Oikawa Do Something Mildly Illegal

by sugarandvoid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, a pointless and very gay mess of an ooc fic : p, they steal soy milk from a store
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 07:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2539430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandvoid/pseuds/sugarandvoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa loves soy milk. Iwaizumi can't stand Oikawa moaning (or being upset, but he won't admit it). Oikawa has no soy milk, and neither of them have any money. </p><p>You can tell where this is going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Iwaizumi and Oikawa Do Something Mildly Illegal

**Author's Note:**

> i did this for a friend for their "birthday" and it's a piss of trash but who knows. maybe someone else wants to read this.

“Come on Iwaizumi, we can just steal it!”

Iwaizumi pondered the unlikely circumstances that landed him in this unfortunate situation. It had all started on his trek home from school- Oikawa lived loosely near him, and could easily go without him, but insisted on trailing his fellow team member home. Sometimes it was worth complaining about, sometimes it wasn’t, and today was one of the former days. For on the way, Oikawa had not ceased moaning about his dire lack of soy milk (something of a habit for the captain) and Iwaizumi had been in the position to hear all of it. And enough of hearing Oikawa’s persuasive moaning convinced Iwaizumi to enter the nearest store and purchase some of the white liquid Oikawa was so passionate about, if only to make him quiet for long enough- allowing them to actually get home. But giving in far from ended their problems. They were both cashless, and searched themselves from bottom to top for money to spend (searching eachother a little too- Oikawa had gotten a little frisky around the lower areas, much to Iwaizumi’s “delight”.) Yet it was a futile search, and desperation still resided in Oikawa’s eyes. Leading them inevitably to their current extremely awkward situation.

“Oikawa, I keep telling you not to call me that, first off. Second off- what are you even thinking here? Don’t you know shoplifting is illegal…?” groaned Iwaizumi, pressured by his teammate and on-and-off romantic interest’s whining.  
“Of course I know it’s illegal, Iwaizumi! But it’ll just be one time, and I so want this soy milk- if we get in trouble, I’ll pay you back!” Iwaizumi stared. Oikawa stared back. And it was fairly gay to onlookers. But for them, it was entirely awkward and uncomfortably tense.   
“You think that’s enough to make me steal from a shop? If my parents find out, they’ll roast me alive, you know that. Maybe yours wouldn’t, but I doubt that either of our parents would appreciate knowing we were “engaging in criminal activity together”” replied Iwaizumi, trying to break the uncomfortable silence and impromptu yet intense staring contest that had sprang up more than anything else. Oikawa wasn’t buying it. And he was pulling out tactics one by one.  
“Ah, I can’t believe it! Iwa-chan, how could you, allowing your captain to go thirsty and upset without his favourite drink? I never thought you could be this cruel!” whined Oikawa, sarcasm and sincerity melding and mingling together. Iwaizumi was put on the spot, flustered, feeling absolutely ridiculous and potently embarrassed. To make things worse, they were still grouped together in the dairy aisle, being looked on at in a strange suspicion from everyone else as lights blinked daintily and the cold emanating from the chillers numbed their fingers- every yoghurt felt like a piercing, judging eye.   
“…I hate the things you make me do. And this better not get out to anyone else- I’m not letting it get out that we’re developing into a partners in crime style team. Someone better save you if it gets out to my parents.”   
“So you’re doing it for me? Ah, Iwaizumi, how wonderful!”   
“Don’t push your luck, ladies’ man.”

They’d both camped by the aisle next to the entrance slash exit and planned for a while- though it was largely Iwaizumi doing the planning, to his own frustration. It didn’t seem like a hard task, especially with the tiny carton that Iwaizumi had limited him to (Oikawa was a convincing type, but not convincing enough to make Iwaizumi risk more than needed.) But the fear held them back.   
“So, Oikawa… You’re ready for this, I assume?” Mumbled Iwaizumi, trying to attract as little attention as possible. Oikawa responded a few seconds after finishing off the last of a sweet packet he had skilfully hidden in his back pocket.   
“Yeah, I’m readier than ever! I can’t wait to taste this amazing, amazing soy milk- oh Iwa-chan, you’re a hero!” At this point Iwaizumi had given up on complaining about Oikawa’s constant misuse of his name (at least for a little while). There was more concern around not getting arrested for Iwaizumi.   
" ... Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, nobody's watching the camera, we can make a break for it in just a second!" whispered Iwaizumi again as he kept an eye out on the cashier checkout.

And that's what they did.

They'd ran like shit for several streets with dust trailing behind them, Oikawa peering behind his back every few seconds to ensure he wasn't being tracked or followed for the crime. But it seemed they'd escaped, if spotted at all.   
"Oikawa... You better fucking pay me back for this. I swear to god, I don't have time to commit crimes like this in the future- last time, okay? And I really hope you're gonna make the most of that milk, you know, I risked my ass for it and-" He cut himself off when he saw Oikawa guzzling the white, creamy liquid down his throat and gargling it before finally swallowing nearly the entire carton in a few solid seconds- all it took for Iwaizumi to stare in wonder at the feat. He really did like soy milk.   
"Iwaizumi, thank you so much! But just one question, ah..." he giggled in between a breath, and Iwaizumi halted in fear and anticipation. It couldn't be good. It never was. "Do I have milk on my mouth?"   
"Yeah. Yeah, Mr Ladies’ Man Captain, you do. No joke. It looks gross on you, too. A milk moustache- a white, milky moustache, and it totally stands out. I can't believe I stole milk for you, and then you get it all over yourself-"

Oikawa was the one to cut Iwaizumi off this time, by kissing him, transferring the milk from one mouth to another. "I guess this is the bit where you're paying me back, huh?"


End file.
